Recently, I’ve been wondering endlessly why I was always asked to play the keyboards even if it is not really my forte. I mean I’m not good at it so why me? Bakit naman isasama pa ako sa mga magagaling nang mga musikero? Nakakahiya lang kasi nga napaka-unti lang ng skills ko sa pagtugtog compared to them. (Why let me, a petty musician, join excellent ones? It’s kind of embarrassing since my skills are very little compared to them.)
But just now, I realized that God allowed those things to happen for a purpose. I forgot that in everything that God allows to happen, there is a story/reason behind it that at first, only He knows. As I contemplate on this matter the past few days, God allowed me to come to the following realization:
1. These experiences teach me what humility really is.
And by humility, I mean true humility. Not the “hindi-naman-ako-magaling” (I am not good at all) kind of humility. We shouldn’t have that kind of “humility” because this kind of thinking does not honor God. God gave us the skills and talents that we have now and we shouldn’t belittle these gifts. Instead, we should strive to improve these gifts, which is my second point. But I’ll discuss more of that later.
So what is true humility? True humility, at least how I understood it, is recognizing that without God, we can do nothing. It is saying that “all of my skills and talents are nothing if I don’t have God with me”. It is allowing ourselves to be vulnerable before Him and allowing Him to use us for His glory whatever the way may be. Even if it gets too uncomfortable for us.
In my case, playing the keyboards is not very comfortable for me. I love playing it but not with other people. I have the tendency to be shy and embarrassed when I’m with other people. Nervousness would start to envelop me if other people see me play, even if they are just my band mates. There are times I would ask God, “Why would you put me here when you know I am better off singing?”
But then I realized that God is teaching me to humble down by removing me from my comfort zone which is singing and put me into a place where I’m uncomfortable. He did this so that I’ll stop relying on my own and let Him take the lead in everything. You see, we really need to learn obedience and put it into practice.
Obedience = Humility
2. I need to enrich the gifts that God gave me.
Like what I was saying earlier, we must remove from our system the “hindi-naman-ako-magaling” (I am not good at all) mentality. This does not honor God. What we should do is improve these gifts that God has given us. Those excellent musicians? They became very good with their crafts because they looked for ways on how they can improve their talents and did whatever might help them to do so.
You see, we all came from nothing. And it’s up to us what we would do with that nothing. God will sure help you do that, yes. But the initiative had to come from us. God won’t force us to do something we don’t want to do. That’s how He is. He gave us freedom to choose. Let us use that freedom to choose wisely. Choose to improve on what you got. Don’t look for things that are not there. Sometimes it’s okay to desire what we do not have and try to gain it. But try to focus first on the things that are right in front of you.
Another dilemma I have before is that I don’t have time to take formal lessons. I like to but I simply don’t have the time and money to do so. But then I was rebuked with that thought and realized I don’t need to have formal lessons just so I can improve. There are many ways available for me to be a better musician. My generation have the world at their fingertips. There’s the World Wide Web, books, magazines, instructional videos and many other modes of learning.
Lesson is, we must not let these factors prevent us from being better at what we do. Sabi nga nila, “Kapag gusto , may paraan. Kapag ayaw, maraming dahilan.” (Just like what they say, “If there’s a will, there’s a way.”)
3. It’s not about me. It’s all about Him.
He made me remember why I joined the ministry in the first place. I joined the ministry because of the overflow of His love, because I love Him and because I want to be able to worship Him through the ministry I am in. And we worship him not only when we are at our best moments but in every single moment of our lives.
So yes, I’m still a bit nervous about playing the keyboards and sometimes I might feel inferior. But whenever I do, I’ll look back to this and remember what God has revealed to me this day. And yes, I’ll strive to improve these gifts that God has given me no matter what it takes. 🙂